my name is earlI was inspired today by a post from the fabulous Beth over at BabyMac. She asked us to comment about the first time we saw the one we loved….As I’m currently on man ban (but my heart is in a better place this week) I thought I’d walk you down memory lane and tell you about those men I’ve loved (and who lost me ha ha). So in order of when I met them here they are….

#1 Cameron. He was my first real boyfriend. He was also the man I lost my virginity too. We lived next door to each other on uni res (university residential for those not used to Aussie slang). He thought I was a gorgeous woman in my 20s (I was only 17, about to turn 18). I thought he was an old loser (he was 25 turning 26), with floppy hair (we  nicknamed him Lyle Lovett behind closed doors), a big nose and a noisy bloody motorbike that used to wake me up in the wee hours (mainly after one too many glasses of cask wine….Hey; I was a student – no judgement). He was wearing mambo shorts and no shirt the day I popped over searching for my friends. I realised then and there I wanted him; I had the worst crush on him, and was convinced he’d never like me back as I had turned him down earlier in the year. I was wrong – one night a group of us had a BBQ which ended with us all jumping into the pool fully clothed. I headed home to get my flatmates and he followed. I didn’t even see it coming when pashed me on my front door step and I was hooked.


#2 Tim. The first time I saw Tim I thought he was a gangly nerd. He was tall, over 6 ft, with glasses and overlong hair. The first time I really saw him was my 22 birthday; he made me laugh so hard and was concerned that I was having an asthma attack (I was but I didn’t want to go home – I was having too much fun)! He was wearing brown chinos, a black button up shirt, a black zip up jacket and this pair of God awful trainers he wore everywhere… He’d taken a mutual gay friend shopping with him as he wanted to impress me.  We dated for over 6 years. We didn’t even kiss until we’d been dating for over 4 weeks, I moved into his place after just 3 months of dating; and at 5.5 years we seriously talked marriage, family and our future. We looked at rings (I wanted at least a carat solitaire…Oh my how things have changed now; my taste is a lot less flashy and more subtle/classic) and he asked my parents for their blessing. Then a few months later we looked at buying a house together and I asked if it meant a step towards a future:

Him: “We’re not getting engaged anytime soon”

Me: “Well then why buy a house?”

He finally admitted he loved me but didn’t know if he wanted to get married to me.  Less than 2 months later we broke up. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done was telling this beautiful man that I loved him but I couldn’t stay as we would end up hating each other – we wanted different things. Sometimes I think back about Tim and wonder would it work a second time round? Then I remember how very different we are, how his family never liked me, how he didn’t really like my big/loud/annoying family, how he didn’t want to marry me, and I know deep down (in my bones) that our time is done.


#3 Troy (AKA the breakup from hell). I met him at an industry meeting and don’t recall what he looked like other than he was short and I thought he was interested in me. It was months later when he contacted me via facebook to see what I was up to when our casual industry friendship became something more. I remember the first date – we met at Kirra Beach, Coolangatta. He came running towards me in jeans, flip flops and a checked shirt. I wasn’t too sure if he was attractive to me (he also had an earring in one ear) but we sat down on the beach to have a picnic and he kept looking at me like I was Christmas…So I kissed him.  


#4 Manly Matt. We met online at and text each other for weeks before we agreed to meet up for a drink at Kingscliff. When I first arrived I saw a man with a walking frame and a shaved head ….I already knew what Matt looked like but I thought oh no, all of his photos were of him sitting or leaning over something (and he has a shaved head)…Maybe that’s him with the frame? Then he text me to say he was upstairs. He was wearing jeans, a Billabong t-shirt, flip flops and a big smile. I thought he was cute and sweet. He made me laugh and we flirted with our eyes all the way through the date. When we parted ways he didn’t kiss me – just told me we should do it again sometime.

And now my heart is a little sad again x