disney 50 shades 50 shades

I’ve been sitting on this post for 2 weeks now – ever since 50 Shades of Grey  was released.  There’s also a some negativity surrounding the movie and BDSM. Some critics are calling it domestic violence. I will categorically state that BDSM is not domestic violence. It’s where 2 consenting adults participate in a range of ‘play’ including bondage, whipping, spanking, hot wax, nipple clamps and more. There’s also such things as safe words and hard limits to give both parties control; and to ensure boundaries aren’t broken as well as keeping everyone safe. Many would argue that straight or vanilla sex would benefit from the use of safe words and limits…it would certainly be useful for that time your lover slipped into the wrong hole and told you to just enjoy it.

This article sums up BDSM in a quick ‘BDSM for dummies style’ list. 

I’ll concede I didn’t want to read 50 shades. I found the plot unbelievable: he’s mega-wealthy and a dominant, she’s a student and a virgin. I was turned off. It seemed a little far fetched to me and to be honest it sounded like the male character wanted a little woman he could control. But as the books gained momentum I became intrigued… Plus my bestie R told me I’d like the female lead Anna as she refuses Mr Grey’s ‘contract’. So I read them and they weren’t bad. They weren’t absolutely amazing either. I thought Christian was a bit of a wanker, he didn’t want a real relationship he wanted a submissive who would do whatever he wanted without having to expend any emotional strain himself. I did  like the fact that Anna fought against Christian’s demands that she be fully submissive to him. I also liked the healing Christian goes through to become 50 less shades of fucked up through Anna’s love and their relationship. 

If you are looking to read more BDSM fiction I recommend Roni Loren’s Loving on the edge series. It’s fantastic. If you like reading about big handsome dominant men in a setting that’s more believable her stuff is for you. Plus you’ll find all of the BDSM in her series is consensual – there isn’t one person doing something because the other wants it, it’s a shared passion. FYI I seriously wish I worked at the ranch in her series. 

If you like it in the dark missionary style then high five to you. Same goes if you want to be tied down, ridden hard and put away wet. As long as it’s safe, sane and consensual we’re all good here.

I went and watched the movie last weekend with a girlfriend and both of us enjoyed it. I still thought Christian was a bit of a wanker; especially when Anna asks him what would she get from signing the contract and he replies with, “You get me.” Really? That’s it? I loved the scenes in the playroom (with the exception of the final scene), I thought they were beautifully shot and Dakota Johnson is fearless in her portrayal of Anna. I completely understood why she felt so conflicted with Christian. She wanted a relationship with depth and love along with a side of kink. 

I’ll confess I have a fascination with BDSM. And I’ve done A LOT of research into it. I’m a control freak across all aspects of my life with the exception of the bedroom where I like a dominant man to take control. I have to trust this man implicitly; as anyone does when they’re about to become intimate with another person. For the record I’m a 33 yr old woman with a professional career, a loving family, and beautiful friends. I just happen to like a little kink on the side. For me BDSM isn’t about having a controlling partner; I’ve had those before and have been in emotionally abusive relationships (where the sex was very vanilla and to be honest pretty crappy), I just like a man to take control in the bedroom. Outside of that though I expect to be treated with nothing but respect and love.

Thanks to books like 50 shades and fantastic companies like Sassy Minx boutique (they bring the toys and the knowledge for you to learn more and shop in the comfort/privacy of your own home) the tabbo around liking naughty things in the bedroom is breaking down. I strongly believe (and have written about it on numerous occasions) that every woman has the right to a fulfilling sex life. If you like it in the dark missionary style then high five to you. Same goes if you want to be tied down, ridden hard and put away wet. As long as it’s safe, sane and consensual we’re all good here.

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