A few weeks ago after more than a few wines on a girls weekend away I signed back up to online dating. I chose to return to my old stomping ground of POF and Tinder.
I’ll be honest I didn’t feel ready to go back out there. I felt like I was dipping my toe in. I didn’t want to commit 100%. I was terrified of what might happen.
I’ll say this… it’s tough out on these streets. So far I’ve fallen back into a rabbit hole of “Hi Sexy”, “where do you live” (code for: how far away are you so I can come over for sex), “hey”, “when you free”, and my personal favourite, “hi beautiful, how’s your evening. What are you up to?”, usually sent on a Saturday evening around 10pm. More than once I’ve been tempted to respond with, “oh nothing, just lying here in my silk negligee, waiting for a handsome man to come ravish me…”, AKA all breathy Southern Belle like. But I suspect my sarcasm would be wasted on them. It’s the same old fuckboys looking to get lucky with minimal effort.
Now before we get all grumpy I’m not lumping all the men into this category. Some are lovely. Some want to get to know me. They’re interested in me. They’ve read my profile, rather than looked at just my pics only. I’ve even been asked on my first date…. though that’s a story for another time.
A funny thing has happened to me since my breakup. Because I’ve been lucky enough to have experienced real love; I’ve become picky. My standards are higher. I expect more and when someone tries to over sexualise I ignore them or delete them.
Of course I still have my moments of weakness. Case in point: early 30s guy contacts me. After some small talk he offers me a massage. I think to myself… he’s cute, why not? I’m a woman in her 30s who can do whatever and, whoever I want. However, I ignore his offer to swap numbers as I’m not too sure. A week passes and he reaches out to me again. I give him my mobile. The conversation continues. He offers a massage and I say yes. Then he says I’ll bring the prosecco & I realise he means to come to my house. I falter. Then I think, “why not, it’ll be fun”. But I’m still thinking it over. So I eventually text him to tell him I’d rather meet him in a bar for a drink then we’ll see what comes of this…. it’s not a hard no, it’s a maybe, for now.
He comes back with: I don’t want to take you out. I’d rather wine & dine you at home.
I’m not impressed. But I appreciate the honesty so I tell him simply it’s not my thing.
He then responds with a series of passive aggressive messages telling me not to lead people on, he thought I was looking for something casual, and in future I should be clear to say what I’m after.
I mean seriously? My profile outlines I’m looking for a relationship. Also, I’m allowed to change my mind. His response tells me I dodged a bullet. That he would’ve been in my house throwing a tantrum if I decided to not let him “‘massage me”. As for “leading people on”… this is a red flag to me. If this is his honest opinion then I’m pretty sure I know why he’s single.
Thank goodness for my mum. She’s always instilled a strong sense of self worth into my sister and I. She tells us to never settle. She wouldn’t put up with this BS and nor will I.
Who else is online dating at the moment? Any stories to tell? Good or bad I wanna hear them. What about those of you who aren’t dating… best date you’ve ever been on???