It's been 14 months since I last posted… I'm so sorry. So much has happened. There's been love, laughter, tears, dancing, 4 holidays (more on those later), three house moves, one job redundancy, one new job, one crashed car, one new car, one heartbreak, and one heart slowly healing.
In the immortal words of Game of Thrones, "…let's begin, shall we…"
It's been 14 months since I last posted… I'm so sorry. So much has happened. There's been love, laughter, tears, dancing, 4 holidays (more on those later), three house moves, one job redundancy, one new job, one crashed car, one new car, one heartbreak, and one heart slowly healing.
Happy New Year! Welcome to 2016! Another year over, a new one just begun.
I know I’m a little late with the New Years message but truth be told I’ve been struck down by the filthiest cold/cough. Literally I feel like I’m dying….Or trying to cough up a lung.
The cold/cough beast arrived just in time for New Years Eve. I was feeling a little run down after Christmas and figured it was due to all the travel. Really it was due to all those wonderful hugs from my mum and sister who have been suffering from this beast too. At first I just thought I could fight it with green tea, loads of water and some early nights. But by new years eve it was upon me and Mr Forrester whisked me off to the late night pharmacy to get some proper drugs to fight it.
So my new years eve was one of the quietest I’ve had in a long time. Just Mr Forrester and I wandered down to the beach (me dressed like a bag lady in layers to keep me warm – in the middle of summer and he dressed in shorts, t shirt and flip flops) to eat wood fired pizza and watch the early fireworks. Then it was back to his for another glass or 2 of mimosa (I figured I was doing the right thing mixing champagne with orange juice to up my Vitamin C levels) while watching Fargo on NetFlix. Seriously I am in love with NetFlix and how good was Fargo season 2?
We saw the New Year in back down on the beach with fireworks again and a quick kiss on the cheek so not to pass on the dreaded cold. Then it was back home quick smart for bed. I know you almost can’t believe how hard we partied, right?
It’s always good to look back on the year that was. Reflect, celebrate or take stock. My 2015 was all about travel, work, family, coco pop the dog & of course meeting the wonderful Mr Forrester. I know I blogged a lot less than previous years as I was too busy living life to update the blog – I’m very sorry about not keeping you all in the loop!
In total I wrote 34 posts, I have 143 followers (thank you), and 4053 views (phew)! My top 5 posts as voted by you are:
- Bachie Files #7 The subtle art of ghosting
- Mr Grey will see you now
- Bachie Files #5 The tale of 2 dates
- Of Monsters and Men
- A day in the life
My, my, my what a mixed bag that is! It’s really cool to see what you’ve enjoyed the most this past year.
My personal favourite posts for the year:
- 34 I do love a good birthday
- The Bachie Files #8 Exclusive
- 4 Another year with my Coco Pop
- Paris & Paris Part II
- Of Monsters and Men
If you don’t already follow me on instagram (why not) you will have missed my Best 9 photos:
I’m not really into New Years resolutions. However I do have some goals for the next 12 months:
- Save, save, save money for more travel and just in general (did I mention my washing machine died last week? Guess what I got for Christmas…A new washing machine)
- Reduce debt on my credit cards
- Travel More, Worry less
- Laugh hard, love with my whole heart
I had an amazing 2015 and I can’t wait to see what 2016 brings!!!
What about you? How did you celebrate the arrival of the New Year? Do you have any resolutions or goals?
Rob over at the V-Pub inspired me to write about my Christmas tree. I put my tree up on the 2 December, I wanted to put it up before the start of December but my Flatmates insisted I wait.
I’ve got an artificial tree I brought a few years ago. I know real trees are better but fake trees don’t require so much cleaning.
Here’s the tree set-up:
Coco wanted to be a part of Christmas too:
Gosh this dog loves me, she let me dress her up and take photos.
How cute is River???
Who else has their tree up???
I have to tell you guys this story from the weekend…. For those of you don’t know I have a phobia of spiders. A serious; wouldn’t touch one for a million dollars, phobia…Well maybe for 2 million. Actually no. I can’t.
So I noticed a few weeks ago my emoticons in my iphone updated and I got a few new things: more food, a unicorn and a freaking spider…. WTF?!
So I posted this on twitter because I can’t even. When I see this I quickly swipe left so that I don’t have to look at the little creepy spider. In my opinion the only good spider is a dead spider. Period.
I have my house especially pest treated for the purpose of killing all the spiders. I can handle cockroaches (they are gross though), moths, snakes (I once had an ex-boyfriend who had a pet python and I used to wrap it around my neck), bats…Pretty much anything that doesn’t have too many legs. I think it’s the legs, the eyes, and the creepy sideways way they move that freaks me out the most about spiders. Ugh! They are horrid. In Australia we happen to have a bunch of large and hairy spiders. The most venomous are funnel webs, then red backs, white tails and Huntsmen. Well truth be told the huntsmen spider isn’t really venomous; it’ll probably hurt and you won’t feel too great but you won’t die if you don’t treat the bite like the funnel web and red back.
So one of my friends saw my post on twitter and decided it is her job to help me overcome my fear of spiders…..This is what she sent me:
I love Anna; but on Friday she was pretty much dead to me. I can’t even look at the pictures she sent me without getting shivers up my spine.
Then yesterday Ridge Forrester and I went shopping for Christmas gifts for our families (we’re having lunch with his family, dinner with mine) and I spotted this in Kmart:
This was in the kid’s toys section of the store. Who would give a child that? Mr Forrester (who is well aware of my spider fear) thought it would be a great gift for me….I told him if I unwrap this Christmas morning he is never having sex with me again. I feel I’m completely justified in making good on my threat.
FYI next year I’m doing all of my Christmas shopping online! We were at the mall for over 3.5 hours. It was chaos. But we survived as a couple, so yay! Go Mr Forrester and I.
How about you? Do you have any phobias you want to share? More importantly have you completed all of your Christmas gift shopping?
Warning this post deals with domestic violence.
Update 25 November 2015: today is white ribbon day. It’s the day we pledge to stop violence against women. This year we’ve seen more than 1 woman per week is killed by an intimate partner. I resubmit this post in honour of the victims and the survivors of domestic violence.
ABCs documentary hitting home was broadcast over the last two nights. I watched tonight’s episode and was heartbroken by what I saw. As of tonight 78 women have been killed by domestic violence. We must band together as a society to stop this epidemic. Keep conversation going! To ask our government to please dedicate more funding to this matter, for refuges to shelter those in need, for lawyers in legal aid, for further training for our police to handle domestic violence, for an update to national education standards to teach this generation and those that follow that we must treat each other with nothing but respect, and for support for the people who perpetrate these heinous acts in an effort to ensure they don’t commit these offenses again.
I’ve been sitting on this post for a long time! Months in fact. Sitting and waiting and thinking about how to articulate my growing horror over the domestic violence epidemic we are witnessing worldwide. As of this morning 62 Australian women have been killed by a man who was known to them (be it a lover, husband, father, or ex). The average is 2 women per week are killed by a man known to them. Oh. My. God. What has become of this world?
Last week a young mother was brutally attacked by her ex partner. She died on Wednesday night due to her injuries and he has been charged with murder. I won’t detail the horrors she encountered – you can read them here. Yesterday morning a woman was shot at a McDonald’s by her estranged husband (before he turned the gun on himself), she died on the scene…They have 4 children – who now don’t have their mum or their dad. Both of these woman died within 1 hours drive of my house.
A few months ago some girlfriends and I were chatting about all things life. We were attempting to change the world after a few bottles of red. I was telling the girls about my views on the global epidemic domestic violence is. I kept saying I was blessed to not have experienced this in my life. One of my friends corrected me, “You’re not blessed. That’s normal. We must stop thinking people are blessed to not have domestic violence in their lives, this is normal. It’s what everyone deserves.” Truer words have not been spoken.
One of my friends corrected me, “You’re not blessed. That’s normal. We must stop thinking people are blessed to not have domestic violence in their lives, this is normal. It’s what everyone deserves.” Truer words have not been spoken.
Despite the lateness of the hour and the bottles of wine we’d consumed we didn’t have all the answers on how to solve this horror of human behaviour. I believe it must be a multi-faceted approach but first & foremost the victims are the priority.
More support for women to leave their abusive partners. Better legislation to protect them from violence and to punish the perpetrators.
In the case of Tara Brown who died last night she approached her local police station seeking advice on how to leave her abusive partner showing them threatening text messages he had sent her. They sent her away; they couldn’t help. The police officer who turned Tara away in is now under review due to Tara’s death has died. Before she died Tara had moved out from her partner and was trying to rebuild her life. But he found her and now he has killed her.
I remember the night I went to my local police station to find out what my options were because I was scared my ex-partner was going to harm me. He’d sent abusive texts and had verbally threatened me indicating he world physically harm me. He also destroyed items I owned in anger to upset me. The police officer I encountered that night was so lovely. I stood there bewildered, scared and angry (holy shit I was angry – how dare someone threaten me). I kept repeating to her, “This isn’t my life. I have a great job, friends and a family who loves me.” She responded with, “It isn’t meant to be anyone’s life. We see women from all walks of life in here with domestic violence issues”. She explained carefully what my options were: an apprehended domestic violence order (ADVO). I would apply through the police for this and then my ex would be served, there would be a hearing and if the judge found there was suitable evidence an order would be imposed. As a result my ex would have to obey the three order conditions always included:
- Assaulting, molesting, harassing, threatening or interfering with the Protected Person;
- Intimidating the Protected Person; and
- Stalking the Protected Person. Anyone in a domestic relationship with the Protected Person is also protected by these conditions. This may include your children.
She advised me it could take weeks for a hearing to occur and I knew he was moving out in a matter of days. Once he was gone I knew I would do anything to not see him again. I decided against this. I didn’t want to see him again. Truth be told I also felt these orders were for far more serious issues than mine.
Of course if my ex had have physically assaulted me then the police could’ve charged him with assault and remanded him in custody until someone bailed him out. After he was out though he could still legally approach me until the ADVO was in place. Not much protection is it? How much help is a piece of legally binding paper when you are in fear for your life? This is what victims of domestic violence face.
Rosie Batty (an amazing woman and the current Australian of the Year…You can read her story here) is determined to see domestic violence change in Australia. She’s an anti-domestic violence campaigner who overcame a great personal tragedy to bring domestic violence out from the shadows into the mainstream so it can be addressed. Her vision is that…
Together we will give victims a voice and demand our leaders act.
We will stand with the victims of family violence so that they are supported in the community and have a powerful voice in the corridors of power. That’s my mission – but I can’t do it alone.
Please stand beside me and every woman and child who experiences family violence.
I support Rosie Batty’s goals – one of which is to start teaching respectful relationships in kindergarten. Once we have provided support for the victims of domestic violence we must then provide support/rehabilitation for the men who commit the violence. I may not get likes for this belief but we must address their behaviour and attempt to shift their psyche in order to potentially stop them from abusing again.
We must also support the next generation of younger men and women so they know that violence is not the norm. It’s not acceptable. It doesn’t just happen. We have to create a ripple effect to change the view that domestic violence is a way of life…. That rape jokes and violence against women jokes are ok and funny (they’re not). It’s a major cultural shift to move beyond the frame of mind that what people do behind closed doors isn’t any of our business if they choose to ‘touch up’ ‘smack around’ their partner we shouldn’t get involved.
We must educate our children on appropriate behaviour. I’m not a parent and I’m terrified to expose children to the horrors of domestic violence so I can only imagine what parents think. Do you more often than not turn off the news or tell them not to worry about it if they see something that is awful. I’m not advocating that we should invite that horror into our homes. But don’t think domestic violence is something that happens to other people. Educate your children on how it’s never ok to hurt another person. Tell them when they ask why the lady on the news died; that someone hurt her and how that is evil and wrong, and you mustn’t ever do harm to others.
So I ask this of you: Don’t shy away from the topic of domestic violence, talk about it openly without humour (there’s nothing remotely funny about people harming each other), educate your loved ones about how it is never appropriate to harm another person, refrain from making domestic violence and rape jokes, and if you overhear one of your friends making fun of domestic violence educate them of the horrors of this epidemic. Talking about domestic violence in the open is the first step to addressing the epidemic.
Finally, if someone you know is a victim of domestic violence offer them help (even if you’re scared and it might be against your ‘better judgement’). Tell them you are there for them and if they need anything you’ll do what you can to assist. Tell them their live is worth more than the violence, that they are loved, and no matter what you are there to help. Don’t judge them for staying too long or going back; just be there. I believe support is vital in assisting women leaving domestic violence situations.
If you or someone you know needs help for domestic violence:
Never Alone – website featuring assistance information
Lifeline 13 11 14
Post Note: Since I drafted this post the Queensland Premier has vowed to fast-track laws offering greater protection for domestic violence victims. You can read the good news her
It was my birthday last month. I turned 34. I started writing a post about being 34 and the fact that I decided to spend my birthday in Melbourne with my BFF rather than Ridge Forrester. But I got distracted and the post never made it out of draft….Because well, Life. I’ve been so busy living I’ve been neglecting my blog which isn’t good. I’ll try to be better from now on.
So here’s my updated draft on turning 34…
I love birthdays. I believe they should be celebrated. A true Leo I delight in my special day and being feted as the royal lion I am.
Last year I was dumped the night before my birthday by Manly Matt. Though in retrospect you could say as we weren’t actually in a committed relationship (we were just dating…He treated like a sport, I was trying to make a go of it) it wasn’t really a breakup (it still hurt though). Despite this I put on my glad rags and invited a bunch of people to dinner at a local restaurant (read the recap here and here)… I didn’t need a man and celebrated my birthday surrounded by loved ones.
This year, despite my romance with Ridge Forrester, I decided to book my annual sales trip to Melbourne over my birthday week. I did this in part to take away the birthday ‘pressure’ I put on myself when I’m involved with someone. What will he get me? What if he doesn’t get me anything? So much stress!! Then when it worked out Mr Forrester would be overseas on a pre-Brooke-booked holiday when it was my birthday it felt like the right decision. There’d be no chance of me stressing/moping miss him as I’d be too busy visiting vibrant Melbourne to do so. Not to mention I could catch up with my best friend R. You can read my recap on Melbourne 2015 here plus some handy travel tips!
I found this little quiz on Facebook today and I thought I’d answer it as a 34 year old.
A- Age: 34
B- Biggest Fear: Death of my loved ones.
C- Current Time: 11.40am
D- Drink you last had: Hot Chocolate from Zaffaras
E- Easiest Person To Talk to: My mum.
F- Favorite Song: A Sunday Kind of Love
G- Ghosts, are they real: Yes. But feel free to believe what you want.
H- Hometown: Ballarat, Victoria, Australia.
I- In love with: Mr Forrester
J- Jealous Of: Beyonce’s bootilicious body!
K- Killed Someone? Not yet.
L- Last time you cried?: Over a week ago
M- Middle Name: Anne
N- Number of Siblings: 2
O- One Wish: That refugees find sanctuary
P- Person who you last called: My Dad
Q- Question you’re always asked: How’s your day?
R- Reason to smile: Mr Forrester, Travel, Friends….Life x
S- Song last sang: Marvin Gaye (Let’s Marvin Gaye and Get it On)
T- Time you woke up: 5.50am
U- Underwear Color: Pink
V- Vacation Destination: Europe (in 4 days)
W- Worst Habit: Talking over people (I can’t stop).
X- Xrays you’ve had: My Left Foot.
Y- Your favorite food: Wine.
Z- Zodiac Sign: LEO
I’d like to use this again and again on my birthday….Who know’s what the next year will bring?
Oh and in case you missed it; I’m in love with Ridge Forrester.
He is truly so lovely, respectful and kind, thoughtful, funny, handsome, good to his mother and sisters, as well as a tiger in the bedroom (sorry mum TMI). From the first date it’s been so good and right; and things just continue to get better each day. He’s never far from my thoughts and he admitted last night I’m not far from his. He’s been telling me for weeks that I make him happy and I’ve secretly been thinking; ‘You make me love you’ in my mind. Last night he murmured into my ear that he is falling in love with me….Don’t worry RF, I’m already there and I’ll catch you.
It would be amazing if you could cut and paste the above A-Z questions and re-post with your answers. I promise it’s really easy, quick and relatively pain free. Just comment below with a link to your blog with the answers if you feel like trying it. Go on, it’ll be fun and I can’t wait to see your answers.
on Saturday night Ridge Forrester had date night for the Cooly Rocks On Festival.
Cooly Rocks on is Austrslia’s largest 1950s festival complete with rock n roll dancers, fashion and some serious muscle cars.
Did I mention that we’re now calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend AND we’re planning a mini-break soon to getaway just us. #swoon.
Festival pics & our official Instagram couple photo:
On my way home Sunday I was inspired to make my own pulled pork in the slow cooker! I found a fabulous sauce recipe here. The results were impressive…. I’ve had a simple slider with the pulled pork and slaw for breakfast & dinner 2 days in a row. Tomorrow I’m planning pulled pork tacos and then fajitas for Wednesday night date night.
Ps. How was your weekend?
I was asked to review a new product to the Sassy Minx Boutique Range – the kama sutra massage oil candle. Here’s my thoughts….
I love getting full body massages….Let’s face it who doesn’t? Getting a massage is the epitome of decadence, am I right? Be it sensual, relaxing or remedial you always feel amazing afterwards. The problem is with our busy, busy lives we rarely have the time (or money) to indulge in such delights.
My personal favourite type of massage is a sensual one. The feeling of your lover’s hands rubbing all over you with oils is so very erotic and tantalising. You can imagine my utter delight when I came across this little gem a few weeks ago whilst hosting a Sassy Minx 50 Shades of Grey Party. The Kama Sutra Massage Candle combines a divine tropical scent (I see balmy nights on a beach in Hawaii with a private cabana for my lover and I when I smell it) and body oils in the wax for you use as the ultimate at home massage tool.
I suggest the following steps to enjoy the candle the way it was intended:
- First you light the candle to melt the wax – this takes approximately 15-20 minutes. Use this time wisely, set up the room in readiness for your massage. You can go professional with a massage table but a bed will also work perfectly. Taking the time to set up will also heighten the anticipation of what’s to come after the massage.
- Once the wax is melted blow out the flame and let it cool for a moment. Then disrobe (if you haven’t already) and lay face down to let your lover’s hands make you feel good.
- The wax doesn’t burn at all so you can relax whilst you get treated to a decadent massage of your shoulders, back, hips, thighs, calves and feet. Lovers’ now is your chance to tease…Brushing against his/her nipples as you stroke down their back, whispered fingers between their legs. Anything that drives your significant other wild.
- Once your back is relaxed you can turn over and the real fun begins….
I love my candle; Ridge Forrester and I used the new one last night for the first time. The massage was perfect and what followed after was even better. I woke up this morning with him wrapped around me and the scent of tropical nights in Hawaii lingering in my bedroom. I foresee a lot of massages in our future.
- The oil in the wax isn’t an essential oil (it’s a mix of coconut oil, shea butter and vitamin e)… But it smells amazing and it didn’t irritate my sensitive skin. If you’re concerned about this to be on the safe side I recommend doing a test spot on your arm before proceeding forward.
- The candle comes in a pretty little tin with a spout on one end…Makes it easier for your lover to pour the oil directly onto your skin.
- Doesn’t use the oil as a lubricant or for that matter insert the oil in any special places, there may be adverse results. Water based lubricant is your best option for this. My friend Sassy can help you out with this.
- The candles are available from Sassy Minx for the very reasonable price of $24.95 aud. They’re not online yet; you can book yourself in for a fabulous party or just email the lovely Sassy firstname.lastname@example.org to purchase one.
This is old news for me but new news for all my readers. Let’s travel back in time a few weeks ago….
I’ve deleted my online dating apps, I’m not dating any other men, and I’m exclusively dating Ridge Forrester. We had this conversation last night:
RF: “I’m assuming we’re exclusive right? I’m not seeing anyone else, are you?”
Me: “Correct. I’m not seeing anyone else either. I don’t’ want to see anyone else.”
RF: “Me either.”
Me: “Thank you for double checking though, assumptions aren’t good.”
RF: “Yeah, they lead to people getting hurt.”
Is exclusive the new going steady? I can’t call him my boyfriend yet can I? He’s not my boyfriend; he’s the man I’m exclusively seeing. Oh my, it all sounds so New York City.
I can’t tell you all how different this feels: it feels right and good. Sometimes I feel like I’ve known him forever; other times I know barely anything about him. This feels like something special. The ribbons that hold everything about us as individuals together are unravelling at an unhurried pace….We talk about our lives and our friends. The future is vague and who knows what will happen there. I do know this; no matter what happens with this man I have found someone I want to have a relationship with, someone I’m willing to give time to see where it goes. If it all goes sour I at least know what I’m looking for moving forward.
The Bacchie Files 7: Ridge Forrester
I know you’ve all been hanging on the edge of your seats waiting for the next instalment of the Bacchie files. My bad for making you wait. Forgive me; I’ve been rather busy dating and haven’t had time for my lovely readers.
Previously on the Bacchie Files: I had a defcon 5 meltdown as I was convinced I was being ghosted by 2 men I’d been on dates with. Turns out my meltdown was completely unwarranted as they both contacted me days after I wrote that post – turns out they were just busy! Since then I haven’t seen The Moroccan again but I have seen Just Jonathan again.
Now: So I saw Just Jonathan again when he offered to take me to dinner and then suggested as he was so cash strapped we eat in instead. In his defence he was saving for an overseas holiday so I understood. I even understood when he requested we have dinner at mine – after all he lives with a grumpy flatmate who doesn’t tolerate guests. I live with flatmates who I bribed with my luscious two toned chocolate mousse to give me the house to myself. I cooked, he showed up with a bottle of red. After dinner we talked. Then we kissed and …..
Then he didn’t contact me for days, almost a week in fact! I text him here and there, checking in to see how he was going. Finally about 2 weeks later he invited himself back over for dinner one night (insert eyeroll here). I cooked, he showed up with a bottle of wine. We kissed and…. I began to realise that whilst Just Jonathan isn’t a bad guy; he wasn’t the guy for me. There were times during those 2 dinner dates when I seriously thought he was a self-important wanker. The top 5 reasons why it would never work are:
- He NEVER took me out to dinner! I know this sounds like I’m a princess but he asked me on a DATE! People who date GO OUT! It doesn’t have to be fancy – I’d be happy with a pizza on the beach. Just take me out damnit.
- He wasn’t that into me. I know people are busy but really 5-7 days to text me back? I get busy too; I have a life, but I always text back those who I want too….I rest my case.
- He didn’t like my dog. He used to bang on about the dogs him and his ex owned together (tiny little things) and how awesome they were. He once growled (literally, like a dog) at Coco when she went near him. #douche
- On that note: HE’S NOT OVER HIS EX! Me and Dating was 100% right…He mentioned her at least once during each date.
- ALL OF THE ABOVE
It’s been weeks (6) since I’ve seen him. Last week he text twice in one week to indicate that we should catch up when he gets back….I wished him a lovely holiday. I won’t be seeing him again; he’s not the man for me.
Moving on…..I’ve met someone else. I’d been chatting to this a guy for only a week or 2. I’m going to call him Ridge Forrester – he’s tall, dark, handsome and intelligent. Plus he has hair, real hair! It’s dark brown/black just like Ridge on bold and the beautiful.
He was friendly and we had some good chats. To be honest I can’t remember a lot of what we chatted about but I thought he was lovely and I would jump onto the platform if I saw a message from him. I was feeling confident so I asked if we could meet up when he was free.
First Date recap
Location: Coolangatta – a really cool restaurant just near my place that does yummy wood fired pizzas.
What I wore: a long black maxi dress, ankle boots and an open denim shirt as a jacket
Who Paid: He did
Line of the date: NA. We didn’t stop talking the whole time and even closed the restaurant we didn’t want to leave.
As far as first dates go this one is up there as one of the best. It was rainy and the first time I’ve needed a jacket this year. Plus I’ve always wanted to go to Bread & Butter as I’ve heard great things about it. But aside from the food the company was the real winner this time. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so comfortable around a man and we talked all night. We’ve got a lot in common and he was super attentive. Neither of us wanted to leave and so it was up to the staff to move us on. He offered to walk me to my car and I almost poked his eye out with my umbrella (hello miss clumsy) but we made it in the end. Then I offered to drop him back to his around the corner where I got to meet his dog River.
Did I mention he has a dog? And that he likes dogs in general! Also he text me first checking in to say he had a great time and wanted to see me again….
Since then we’ve had more dinners/dates. We’re up to double digit dates now:
- Dinner with pizza and red wine. I surprised us both by giving him a quick kiss goodbye on the mouth….Told you I felt comfortable.
- Dinner with lamb shanks (I’m still dreaming of these shanks) and more red wine. He kissed me first.
- GoT date. I brought dinner to him (courtesy of my 30 day challenge food rules) and we watched the first episode of season 5 at his. I should mention he’s a total nerd….River is named after the girl in firefly, his WiFi is named Mother of Dragons (for real). But I like that about him with a capital L.
- Thai dinner on the beach with River. Plus he came and met my Coco Pop and loved her (of course he did she’s awesome).
- Sunday morning Breakfast….This started when I dropped over to say hi on my way home from a night out. He offered me breakfast the next day; so I stayed.
- GoT date 2. This season is actually really quite good. He has a BIG television *wink*
- Doggy walk date with our pups. River was the picture of a well behaved dog. Coco was crazy!
- Dinner and a Movie (plus breakfast the next day)
- A surprise invitation to come over, snuggle and watch a movie (he’d had a few drinks during lunch and missed me)
- GoT Tuesday….It’s become a tradition!
- So many more dates!
It’s early days but so far its been soooo good. He really is very lovely. I’m into him; I like him A LOT. I almost haven’t blogged about him as I want to keep it to myself; but I promised when I started this blog I would share my life and so I am. Watch this space for more updates about Ridge Forrester….
If you’ve been online dating recently you might’ve heard of a something called ‘ghosting’. You might’ve even ‘ghosted’ someone without knowing it.
“Ghosting” or “slow fading” describes the ending of a relationship by one party who gradually removes him or herself from the other person’s life—via canceled plans and decreased communication—until eventually, all communication ceases. The relationship ends, though there’s most often no formal explanation from the “ghoster.”
Check out this awesome graph about female and male ghosting habits:
I believe I’m being ghosted by two men I’ve recently been on dates with: The Moroccan and Just Jonathan. Both men have been texting me throughout the week and then as of Friday evening there hasn’t been any further contact. Nothing. Nada. Zip. The last bit of contact I had with either of them was a series of text messages to arrange a suitable time/place for a second date (separately and on different nights, of course).
I could be overreacting but my gut tells me a ghosting is occurring. Though maybe I’m not; maybe they just had super busy weekends working and having their own lives, and just didn’t find a spare 30 seconds to contact me via text. Also I noticed the other night Jonathan had deleted me from his list of contacts on POF. I had planned on asking him about this on our second date; especially as his messages were pretty flirtatious and I have no intention of sleeping with someone who is already planning his exit strategy via online dating, but alas I don’t believe there will be a date number two.
Basically they’re just not that into me and I should let it go. After all who wants to pursue something with a man who doesn’t take the time to check in on how your weekend is. I know I could’ve messaged them this myself to see how they were going but something (let’s call it a strong sense of self preservation and instinct) held me back. Who knows what’s changed; or if they just began to listen to the honesty voice inside of them and decided to step away.
I have enough confidence to know this situation is out of my control. I couldn’t have done anything differently – the result would’ve been the same. My actions haven’t caused this, I didn’t do anything wrong. Dating is a game of numbers and probability; this time the numbers just didn’t stack up.
I won’t deny it hurts. You go on a date with someone and have a great time; you’re interested, you want to see them again. Then there’s follow up post date and even the early stages of planning for date number two; then all of a sudden nothing. Contact is broken. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve checked my phone this past 96 hours.
I’ve ghosted 2 men myself: Mr Swan and Cheeky Steve. I didn’t meet either of them in person; I gave them my number to get in contact with the view to arrange a time to go on a date. Then they got a little weird and I realised I didn’t even want to meet them in person. So I deleted their old messages and did the same to any new ones.
Therefore in light of this I thought I’d share my thoughts on how to ‘break it off’ in the modern online dating era:
- If you give someone your number and then realise it might’ve been a mistake. Then it’s acceptable to not respond to messages and then delete/block the number.
- If you’ve gone a date or two (I believe in second chances) and not been intimate, then by all means text the person and tell them politely why you don’t want to see them again.
- If you’ve had more than a few dates and been intimate with someone then really a sit down conversation is respectful. The ideal response would be to send flowers (or a bottle of whiskey) with a note that says; “I can’t do this, I’m sorry.”
What do you think? Is it bad manners to just ignore someone? Should I change my behaviour when it comes to letting potential bacchies know I’m just not that interested (It has crossed my mind that it’s a karma for ghosting Mr Swan and Cheeky Steve)? Or should I just accept that this is the way it’s done?
I’ve been sitting on this post for 2 weeks now – ever since 50 Shades of Grey was released. There’s also a some negativity surrounding the movie and BDSM. Some critics are calling it domestic violence. I will categorically state that BDSM is not domestic violence. It’s where 2 consenting adults participate in a range of ‘play’ including bondage, whipping, spanking, hot wax, nipple clamps and more. There’s also such things as safe words and hard limits to give both parties control; and to ensure boundaries aren’t broken as well as keeping everyone safe. Many would argue that straight or vanilla sex would benefit from the use of safe words and limits…it would certainly be useful for that time your lover slipped into the wrong hole and told you to just enjoy it.
This article sums up BDSM in a quick ‘BDSM for dummies style’ list.
I’ll concede I didn’t want to read 50 shades. I found the plot unbelievable: he’s mega-wealthy and a dominant, she’s a student and a virgin. I was turned off. It seemed a little far fetched to me and to be honest it sounded like the male character wanted a little woman he could control. But as the books gained momentum I became intrigued… Plus my bestie R told me I’d like the female lead Anna as she refuses Mr Grey’s ‘contract’. So I read them and they weren’t bad. They weren’t absolutely amazing either. I thought Christian was a bit of a wanker, he didn’t want a real relationship he wanted a submissive who would do whatever he wanted without having to expend any emotional strain himself. I did like the fact that Anna fought against Christian’s demands that she be fully submissive to him. I also liked the healing Christian goes through to become 50 less shades of fucked up through Anna’s love and their relationship.
If you are looking to read more BDSM fiction I recommend Roni Loren’s Loving on the edge series. It’s fantastic. If you like reading about big handsome dominant men in a setting that’s more believable her stuff is for you. Plus you’ll find all of the BDSM in her series is consensual – there isn’t one person doing something because the other wants it, it’s a shared passion. FYI I seriously wish I worked at the ranch in her series.
If you like it in the dark missionary style then high five to you. Same goes if you want to be tied down, ridden hard and put away wet. As long as it’s safe, sane and consensual we’re all good here.
I went and watched the movie last weekend with a girlfriend and both of us enjoyed it. I still thought Christian was a bit of a wanker; especially when Anna asks him what would she get from signing the contract and he replies with, “You get me.” Really? That’s it? I loved the scenes in the playroom (with the exception of the final scene), I thought they were beautifully shot and Dakota Johnson is fearless in her portrayal of Anna. I completely understood why she felt so conflicted with Christian. She wanted a relationship with depth and love along with a side of kink.
I’ll confess I have a fascination with BDSM. And I’ve done A LOT of research into it. I’m a control freak across all aspects of my life with the exception of the bedroom where I like a dominant man to take control. I have to trust this man implicitly; as anyone does when they’re about to become intimate with another person. For the record I’m a 33 yr old woman with a professional career, a loving family, and beautiful friends. I just happen to like a little kink on the side. For me BDSM isn’t about having a controlling partner; I’ve had those before and have been in emotionally abusive relationships (where the sex was very vanilla and to be honest pretty crappy), I just like a man to take control in the bedroom. Outside of that though I expect to be treated with nothing but respect and love.
Thanks to books like 50 shades and fantastic companies like Sassy Minx boutique (they bring the toys and the knowledge for you to learn more and shop in the comfort/privacy of your own home) the tabbo around liking naughty things in the bedroom is breaking down. I strongly believe (and have written about it on numerous occasions) that every woman has the right to a fulfilling sex life. If you like it in the dark missionary style then high five to you. Same goes if you want to be tied down, ridden hard and put away wet. As long as it’s safe, sane and consensual we’re all good here.
Flashback Friday: Facebook never lies
A trip down dating memory lane for the latest version of the Bacchie files. No news to report on The Moroccan or Just Jonathan. The texting continues but no real dates have been set. I may have something lined up with another man Marky Mark (he has the muscles to match the real Marky Mark) next week but we’ll see.
At the start of last year (2014) I had a few dates with a man I like to call Sweet Dave. Sweet Dave was a nice man and for the short time I knew him he treated me like a princess. But there was no ‘spark’ no real chemistry between us. I dated him because he was nice and I felt I should give him a chance. He helped me realise my whole biscuit analogy, click on the link for more info.
A walk on the beach with Coco and I. He was smitten, she was playing up and barking, and I thought he was sweet and nice.
Drinks at the fabulously quirky Stingray Bar at QT Hotel in Surfers Paradise. It was fun but a little awkward as I’d brought the bestie R with me (she was visiting and we were catching up with other people after my date). Things began to unravel here as I was beginning to realise that I wasn’t really feeling it. Then I had a drink and kissed him (luckily I didn’t have more drinks as I would’ve slept with him – drunk Brooke makes poor decisions). The kiss was sweet, tentative, and gentle…..There was no Spark.
A quick mid-week dinner at my fav Mexican place Guzman Y Gomez. Takeaway Mexican that is the closest I’ve ever tasted in Australia that reminded me of all the amazing Mexican I ate in America years ago. I knew it was a mistake to have a third date and I’m sure he did too. He didn’t pay for my $12 burrito (his only flaw – apart from being too nice) and really if your date can’t pay for your burrito you know it’s never gonna work! Of course he wanted to walk me back to my car and have a pash at the end of the night…..I wasn’t impressed; you get to kiss me but you no pay for burrito???
I finally broke it off via text message. Not my finest hour I agree – but as
we’d only been on 3 dates and just kissed (not slept together) I felt justified in my actions. I think a well worded text is much nicer than having someone “ghost” you. I got a very nice message back from Sweet Dave in response which was so very sweet of him.
Fast forward to a few months ago. I noticed he’d un-friended me on Facebook; no dramas at my end. It’s totally his choice and after all I’m just some woman he went on 3 dates who dumped him via text, he doesn’t need me a as a Facebook friend.
Any-the-who when I was inviting friends to join my blog page a few weeks after that his name popped up in the list (of course I didn’t invite him…that would be weird). However, I was intrigued – could I have been re-added without my knowledge? So I did some unpaid private investigating and found out nope, I hadn’t been re-added at all. It was just some weird Facebook thing. But more importantly the last post on Sweet Dave’s wall was he was in a relationship with a woman (you know people should really learn to guard their Facebook profiles). My first thought was happiness – Good on you Sweet Dave! I’m happy he found someone because he really is a sweet man and I’m sure he’s currently treating his girlfriend like an absolute princess. Maybe they’ll all live happily ever after – I hope so.
When I went to post this today I did a little check on Sweet Dave and his new GF Sweet Carissa. Looks like they’re still going strong: How awesome is that?
The epilogue of this story is that this right now I’m in a good place. I wish everyone happiness and love and I don’t envy those who have it. I smile at the sunshine, laugh at the rain and sing every chance I get. I’m pretty much Snow-Freaking-White with the exception of an evil stepmother, living with 7 men and some dude hunting me down to kill me….Fingers crossed someday my prince will come!
Finally I have been asked out and I went on 2 dates with 2 very different men last weekend! For those of you playing the home game we have 1 new player (the Moroccan) and 1 player from previous episodes (Just Jonathan).
Date 1: The Moroccan
Location: Byron Bay
What I wore: Singlet, harem pants and leopard print flats.
Who Paid: He did
Line of the date: I may be a PT but I like my women with curves (oh be still my beating heart).
I spent Valentine’s Day night alone and watched my favourite season of Sex and The City. It’s the sixth season when she falls in love with the Russian & goes to Paris before Big comes to rescue her. Don’t stress I wasn’t sad; I had a grand time watching my show, drinking my wine and hanging out with Coco Pop. I even had cheesecake!
The Russian reminds me of my date with The Moroccan. He’s half French half Moroccan , a part time personal trainer/security guard, confident, and he made me break all of my first date rules! First impressions; he was built.
We met up for a drink which got quickly upgraded to a meal. First rule break; I never eat a meal on the first date. What if you meet and realise they’re a loser? Then you’re stuck with them through food… But there’s something about this man. He’s younger 28-29 to my 33-34 but he’s very confident. So we ate and talked and flirted. Then we walked along the beach where there were kisses. And more kisses. Then honest to goodness making out. Another rule break…. I don’t normally kiss them passionately on the first date. But the Moroccan has big beautiful lips & I knew I had to try them before the night was done.
After the beach and the kissing there was more…. But this woman isn’t one to kiss and tell. I will say he is an excellent kisser.
I feel he might be a short time lover not a keeper. We’ll see. He contacted me this morning to check in which surprised me. Also I have to remind myself of what I want.
Date 2: Just Jonathan
Location: Broadbeach Bowls Club
What I wore: Silk cami, printed shorts and black strappy flats.
Who Paid: 50/50
Line of the date: I really enjoyed spending time with you and want to go to stage 2. I want to see you more.
He suggested barefoot bowls and to be honest I was nervous. I kept thinking of that scene in Bridget Jones edge of reason where she’s picking a dress for the law society dinner. Her friend turns to her and says,”No pressure Bridget, but your entire life’s happiness depends on this event”. Plus I’m really competitive and didn’t know if I would be able to curb my enthusiasm if I won!
I was so nervous I was early! He arrived and first impressions – cute, short (around my height), a little scrawny, killer smile, terrible taste in shoes (he had those awful slip on trendy laceless sneakers).
We grabbed drinks and chatted. He used the word behest in a sentence *sigh*. He’s intelligent, driven, ambitious, can fly a plane, and knows what he wants. We played barefoot bowls (and flirted – he smacked my bottom at one point) for almost 2 hours. I won once. He won the other games. He swore he has only ever played once before – I suspect this was on the junior Olympics team. But it’s totally fine; I was a gracious loser (this time).
The farewell was a kiss on the cheek and a hug along with the promise of wanting to see me again. Then he said he wants to take it to Stage 2….I’m hoping Stage 2 means dinner and making out.
Since the end of date #2 both men have contacted me to see how my day is etc etc. What do you think? Is there a clear winner here?
Also it’s ladies choice for date number 2 (or is it stage 2) with Just Jonathan. What should I do? Something active that involves ice cream.
My bestie tells me I’m still single until I get a ring on my finger (or an exclusivity discussion)…Hence I’m thinking that for now I’ll keep them both and see how it goes.
But first a recap from my last post:
Of the previous players only one made it past the first week. Mr Swan asked for my number – I gave it to him and the first offline conversations commenced. They didn’t get far. I felt like he was trying to create an intimacy between us without really getting to know me. He wouldn’t answer my questions coming back with something vague and when I tried to delve deeper he’d change the subject. He made no effort to want to know me on a deeper level and was overly fond of calling my endearments – all the freaking time! Sweetie, beautiful, honey were all I heard. He never asked me about my life or why I was single. He was more than happy to keep it light n easy with that dangle of, “Let’s meet up for coffee soon sweetie”, always in plain sight. It felt contrived – like he was saying everything he thought a woman would want to hear. I was beginning to realise I just wasn’t into this man as I didn’t want to call him on his behaviour. Then I dropped my phone , it died and I lost all my contacts/messages… Coincidence? I think not.
Moving on…. This episodes players are:
1. Le Chef
The chef calls me cutie or princess. I don’t mind the nicknames – shock horror. The online conversations have been light and fun – we’ve swapped stories on jobs, what we like to do outdoors and where we live. I suspect he likes a slower pace in the getting to know you phase. We’ve exchanged numbers and he calls every day or so for a chat. I suspect he keeps it light as there’s stuff he doesn’t want to delve into to… But he won’t get the chance to do this as I am determined to get over my fear of asking the right questions to gauge if he’s a fit for me. Check out this link and watch the video for more info.
FYI I’m sure this is all common sense stuff but I know a whole heap of girlfriends (myself included) who keep meeting men and not asking these important things. My very smart friend Sharon tells me I need to be more emotionally open – reflect what you want to attract. I am craving a deep connection not a passing fancy.
He mentioned the other night he wants to come visit me (he lives approx 6 hour drive away). I was on the verge of telling him that sounded like a good idea and asking him where he would stay (not with me – I don’t want it to be a given sex is on the table until we’ve met face to face. Besides I like the idea that it sex comes back on the table we can go and fool around in his hotel room) when his phone died! Since then he’s had poor reception so we’ll see. Trying not to let my inner cynic have a field day with this.
I like Jonathan. A lot. There’s something about him that makes me sit up and take notice – other than being tall, dark and handsome. He doesn’t get a nickname. He’s just Jonathan. This man knows what he wants. When I asked him why he was single his response was, “because I haven’t met the right woman yet. I want to find someone who is special enough to give my affection too and is worthy of my love.” Some might say a little arrogant but I like the honesty….what do you think?
We’ve had conversations about those must ask questions. He thinks my dog is awesome (she is! He’s only the second man to mention coco – major brownie points, she’s important to me, I mention her in my profile). He’s intelligent – currently completing his MBA, articulate, likes to cook, travel, and has one of the best profiles I’ve read in a long time:
He works in security for a hospital (anyone who knows me is groaning – another security guard, Brooke, really? So sue me I like a manly man) and most importantly he has hair! Also he openly stated he rarely goes onto the POF app but contacted me as liked my profile. He didn’t reappear for days and confessed he only came on to check if I’d messaged him. Well me and his other POF girlfriends I suppose.
3. Cheeky Steve
Cheeky Steve is the first man who I think I’d need a safe word with. This man is not vanilla and my non-conventional heart desires this. I’ve been upfront and told him I don’t want another lover/fling, I’m looking for a relationship. He assures me he’s open to seeing where it goes. I think he’s full of BS . I’ll confess though I’m very tempted by him.
Dis- honourable mentions
A new edition to the bacchie files.
Do you remember my friendPauly – remember we dated for 5 minutes almost 2 years ago? Since then we’ve had a few little flings but nothing serious. We want different things so it will never work. I’ve vowed to stop fooling around with him as I want to meet someone special, not just someone to pass the time with.
Pauly thought he would try and be funny this week contacting me on the POF platform pretending to be a potential suitor. He then went on to slut shame me but telling me to tweak my profile otherwise I might attract the wrong men. Here’s my thoughts on this….
I double checked my profile with my bestie R and she conceded it could do with some cleaning up. So I replaced dominant in bed with – willingness to compromise, same same right?
Then there’s this guy…. Just what anyone would want to hear… “I’m bored, amuse me”.
People who can’t read my profile which clearly says I’m looking for a relationship for the long term….
I’m not a grammar nazi…. Much.
I’m in New Zealand for work with the day job for the next 9 days so I doubt there will be any bacchie updates but I’ll keep you posted.
Before you go…. What are your thoughts on my current suitors?